Emerging From A Long Sabbatical

Hello everyone!

This post is a tale of my recent blogging journey. The previous years were hard on me as a writer. I almost got away from writing. All the joy had withered away. Writing became a tedious task. It is something I did not enjoy.

There were a few momentary spurts of creativity, but they faded soon. Unable to write and translate thoughts into articulate ideas, a frustration was brewing underneath. There was a sense of failure and anxiety. As ideas lost steam and interest waned, a growing detachment emerged.

Turning the clock back, this shift in mindset set in during the pandemic. Before the pandemic, it was a different world. It was a different space. I entered a new college to pursue my education in mass communication. Interested in current affairs, politics, and international relations, I expressed my views in the form of words.

These words found themselves on this blog. Or as freelance work for the citizen news portal Different Truths. My writing journey was on an upward trajectory. My blog posts were getting good traction. And my articles on Different Truths were featured in their top stories. I was enjoying my writing and brimming with ideas. Then, the pandemic struck.

Borrowing the idea of Nassim Nicholas Taleb, the Covid-19 pandemic was a black swan event. A period of tumult and disarray. To combat the spread of the virus, governments globally initiated lockdowns. A silver lining of the pandemic, the lockdown brought a respite from the instant, fast-paced, post-globalization lifestyle. People picked up hobbies, pursued their interests, and indulged their passions. They managed to pivot their lives, careers, and lifestyles.

For them, the Covid lockdowns were a breather from their 9-5 lives. However, I got sucked into the digital portal of online classes. In a classroom environment, there is interaction with peers. There is movement with friends and about the college or university campus. After the day is done, you are in a personal environment to perform other activities. Lockdowns obliterated this space.

In quite a few homes, space became a scarce resource. Everyone was looking for a nook or corner offering relative privacy. For me, it was my bedroom. I attended classes, worked on projects and internships, and finished assignments there. It transformed my association with the space. Earlier, it was a space of leisure and relaxation.

The online classes transformed the space. My bedroom became my work space, living area, and dining room. I had formed a daily ritual. I would log in at 9 am for classes and would shut the system down post midnight, after completing my academic obligations. Weekends were the sole window of respite. With the lockdown restrictions, there was not much choice.

Long days of attending online classes, working remote internships and submitting assignments sapped mental acuity. With diminished mental faculties, interests started to fade away. Reading, writing, sports, interaction with people dwindled. It resulted in a loss of inspiration and slowed down my thinking prowess.

Unable to enjoy things I liked, I felt lost. Attempts to read, watch cricket, write required a forceful push. Soon, they started to resemble chores. There was no interest and excitement involved. It was no longer a thing of interest or a way to unwind. It collided with my ambition to get published in reputed publications. The deadly combo of disinterest in passion and ambition curtailed my abilities.

To meet standards and expectations of the past, I tried to force outcomes. It created a lot of pressure. Combined with the pressure and the need for perfection, ideas got stuck in execution. They seldom became tangible outcomes. Ideas would form and I tried to work on them. After a while, working on the idea felt like an improbable proposition. And I would move on to the next idea.

Every incomplete task or idea was notched as a failure. They began to pile up. With a bucket load of incomplete ideas, there was an intense need to quickly finish writing a piece on topical issue for publication. Alas, nothing was brought to fruition. Life became dull and I found solace in binge watching TV shows and movies online.

As lockdowns eased and college reopened, I was drawn back into the intense world of college life. Later, it was about the job opportunities. There was no moment for introspection. Until I decided to travel regularly to view and experience the country. These travel travails were cathartic.

Engaging with the natural environment outside the confines of walls and cubicles provided novel experiences. With no demands of time, I indulged in the calm it offered. To sustain the momentum I started to do different things, talk to people and stay connected with the world around me.

This sense of calm helped me handle the self imposed mental stigma. The pressure to create commentary regarding every hot news topic was let go. I realised news was a distraction from the actual issues of the day. It shaped my thoughts and find niches in areas of interest. Ideas and thoughts started to flow again. As I found joy again in reading and writing, words befriended me.

My self introspection has taught me a few things. I need to be mindful of my current situation and keep my expectations real. I wanted to produce the same quantity of content on the my blog, as I did six years ago. I shaped my narratives around that and took out the joy I felt with a book in hand or writing down my thoughts. With that said, having gotten a little bit of my mojo back, I will definitely be contributing more on the blog. And I would like you to continue your patronage of the blog.

Thanks!