Turning over a new leaf is not for the faint hearted. Reading the phrase in literature and quoting it verbatim to peers and friends is easy. Putting it to practice is an entirely different experience.
The phrase ‘turning over a new leaf’ differs in meaning with change in context. With each individual living through varied experiences, it has a different notion for a different person. I associate the phrase with gaining a second chance at life.
A second chance at life is a regret with which many people live. It remains an unfulfilled wish that lives along with them as a constant reminder. For some it can be a symbol of failure. Some others might look upon it as an unrequited dream and look to live the life through their progeny.
These are people awaiting a second chance all their lives and wondering why they were dealt an unpleasant hand in life. Circumstance shackles them. They give in to it in a despondent manner. But do not summon the courage to make their dreams come alive.
“There is no free lunch” is a quote that is apt reflection of the society we live in. From the organism to the cosmic. Every transaction taking place among the creatures on this planet is an exhibition of this reality. Afraid of encountering this eventuality, people fail to be brave enough to pay the price to live the live they crave. On their own terms.
But why am I talking about it ?
In my earlier post https://thecritilizers.com/2019/04/24/embarking-on-a-new-journey/ , I shared my thoughts on my journey in the last eighteen months. A journey which I have traveled that brought in changes I was happy with. Standing on the cusp of embarking upon a new journey, I was about to turn a new leaf in life.
While I am writing this down today, I am living the life after the leaf turned. There were hopes for the new chapter in life to be more benign and less arduous. A new beginning offering freedom and success was my dream. Tempered by the experiences on my journey to achieve the dual objectives.
Now I am living that life. The new chapter while being gracious is giving much required lessons on life skills, money and responsibility. I was more wound than a coiled spring until I had tasted initial success in my quest to build my new life. There was a period of uncertainty which brought down my spirits. It carried on until I had an assurance that my life would take the shape of my expectations.
I was vacationing at my cousins’ when I received news about me being accepted into the fine institution of Symbiosis in Pune after a false start. I had dreamt about my reaction on achieving the first tangible victory in my second attempt at life. But to my dismay , the event in reality did not play out the way I wanted. Though I made a half hearted attempt later, the moment was gone.
Life brought me to Pune. Five years ago, if someone would have asked me what I would be doing at the current phase in time, frolicing on the beaches of Thailand would be on the top of that list. Instead I am rebuilding my life in a new city according to my whims and fancy. The illusion stayed for a while. All was hunky dory until responsibility came knocking on my door.
For a child raised in a family and household where dinner came walking to him and cleanliness of the room was maintained by mom, the transition to taking charge of my daily needs to keeping my accounts in order has been quite an uphill task.
Shedding off the vestiges of the past is a cumbersome task. Every morning I ponder over the things from yesterday that I could have handled better. I make a note of them and make resolutions mentally. But with no hanging deadlines and accountability to others, these resolutions more often than not wither away.
Rome was not built in a day. Change too doesn’t take place in a day. It takes time to subconsciously train your mind to accept the new reality. Chores which were earlier handled by the domestic help at home fall in your domain. Matters which were taken for granted become thought provoking.
In a state of flux, with status quo being altered and the mantle of responsibility thrust upon me I am beginning to shake off the inertia. Over the past couple of weeks I took the initiative to take control of actions. Everything is not clock work but I am getting there. Baby steps!
This is my second chance at life. While I braved the rough seas and weathered the storm. The rebuilding effort is taking time. I am fairly confident about it.
People wait for second chances the span of their entire lifetimes. To turn over a new life. But thing they do not realise is that they have to earn it. You have to be courageous enough to pay the price to take the decision to paint the canvas and bring your dreams alive. Otherwise, the new start just remains a distant dream.